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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

#20935789
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31542) - you deserved it (2209)

On 10/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by Dor51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

#20928702
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38936) - you deserved it (2640)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

#20933837
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40820) - you deserved it (3298)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (6303)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

#20934761
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41850) - you deserved it (4387)

On 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by CUCKOO (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I enjoyed a romantic evening at home with my husband while a babysitter took care of my 5-year-old daughter. After she came home, she told me the sitter let her use her "weird swing." I wasn't too worried, until she said it was indoors, and I realized she was describing a sex swing. FML

#20935603
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34978) - you deserved it (3547)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

#20928623
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41991) - you deserved it (3854)

On 10/21/2013 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

#20935219
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35575) - you deserved it (2215)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:57am - work - by KatieElizabeth (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from an angry parent telling me that I'm teaching her son and the other children in the class "wrong philosophies". This was all because I explained to the class that Michigan is divided into two parts. FML

#20930470
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33402) - you deserved it (2005)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my car was broken into, on the same night I stayed up late researching how to install my new car alarm. FML

#20933464
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36089) - you deserved it (2900)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML

#20934627
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29408) - you deserved it (3267)

On 10/26/2013 at 2:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

#20937310
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35515) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/28/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by NickDrakeFan (man) - United States



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