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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49933) - you deserved it (4689)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58308) - you deserved it (6899)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37179) - you deserved it (4342)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was assigned to fill in for a French teacher who was out sick. I had asked the class to name some French-speaking countries. I called on one girl and she replied, "Uh, Europe. That's, like, the only other one, right?" Nobody disagreed. I'm filling in for the rest of the month. FML

#20929522
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39606) - you deserved it (2457)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:40pm - work - by :| - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

#20936906
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41909) - you deserved it (18509)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by The greatest Illusion ever (woman) - United States

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52721) - you deserved it (3259)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

#20936372
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46988) - you deserved it (7570)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - intimacy - by snowwhite (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38385) - you deserved it (2992)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my little sister is having a friend spend the night. Our rooms are right next to one another and the walls are thin. We are now entering the fourth hour of a singing contest so off-key that it should be illegal. FML

#20933172
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38607) - you deserved it (2982)

On 10/25/2013 at 2:48am - misc - by ThisIsAgony - United States (Nevada)

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

#20933801
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40197) - you deserved it (3150)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Jane M (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (4379)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

#20933080
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31893) - you deserved it (16993)

On 10/25/2013 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42379) - you deserved it (4745)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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