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Tuesday 8 October 2013

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Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML

by Water Daughter / 10/13/2013 at 1:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I heard that there was supposed to be a huge blizzard heading our way, so I went out to stock up on groceries. After spending $600 on food, I drove home and packed most of it into the fridge and freezer just in time for our power to go out. FML

by hungry / 10/13/2013 at 1:23am / United States / Money

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 2:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I got dragged to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful from the start, but things took a turn for the worse when my grandpa went to give me a kiss on the cheek as we left. I could clearly see lice crawling around in his beard, and I couldn't stop it from touching my face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 12:17pm / United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2013 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Work

Today, for the first time in months, a woman started flirting with me. She was wearing a sparkly shirt with "Team Edward" written on it. FML

by CreamGravy / 10/10/2013 at 11:50pm / Australia / Love

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

by keyshame / 10/10/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

by moneymoneymoney / 10/08/2013 at 10:34am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML

by emopoe / 10/09/2013 at 2:25pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML

by jnisla / 10/11/2013 at 6:44pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health

Today, my new colleagues took me up on my idea of a group night out. Perhaps they'll actually invite me along next time. FML

by Loner_Lou / 10/07/2013 at 6:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

by STOPTHENOISE / 10/14/2013 at 9:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous