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Tuesday 8 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48263) - you deserved it (4381)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44321) - you deserved it (4763)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32823) - you deserved it (6361)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

#20917814
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (14051)

On 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm - love - by fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

#20916670
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52128) - you deserved it (5652)

On 10/11/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by (-__- ) ( ^.^) (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

#20921212
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49228) - you deserved it (4588)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

#20918380
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41993) - you deserved it (10232)

On 10/13/2013 at 12:33am - misc - by markerThief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

#20921216
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48468) - you deserved it (6332)

On 10/15/2013 at 2:49am - love - by notready (man) - Australia

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

#20919168
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45782) - you deserved it (4024)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm - money - by and she blames me -_- (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend was rubbing my leg. He started laughing and said, "Babe, is this your leg, or am I petting Daisy?" Daisy is my dog. I need to shave. FML

#20910814
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27678) - you deserved it (37492)

On 10/07/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by loserllamalick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

#20913492
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45291) - you deserved it (15317)

On 10/09/2013 at 3:03am - love - by arthise (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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