Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Tuesday 24 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, mah 5-year-old daughter pointed at mah 6-year-old son's crotch an boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48932) - you deserved it (6396)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

TODAY, I SENT MAH BOYFRIEND A TEXT ASKING HIM TO COME OVER A LITTLE LATER AN HAVE SOME "FUN" WITH ME. HE TEXTED BACK, "WTF BABE? BREAKING BAD'S ON TONIGHT. YOU GOT A DILDO, FUCKING USE IT." FML

#20900698
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63571) - you deserved it (26417)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today... I Broke Up Wit Ma Abusive Grlfriend. Se Respondd By Breaking Into Ma Place An Stabbing Ma Amster Wit A Fork. FML

#20898181
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67124) - you deserved it (4075)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, My Niece,ho Is Fifteen, Convinced My Six-year-old Daughter That Her Name Is Spelled C-U-N-T, And Just Pronounced As Catherine . FML

#20893921
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (3058)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:47am - kids - by cuntsmom (woman) - United States

Today, mah ex-wife put mah number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52909) - you deserved it (5069)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, mah two parrots decided that mah head was the best place to have sex. FML

#20903328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43256) - you deserved it (5481)

On 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm - animals - by NestHead (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Yesterday, at the age of 23, I brought boyfriend over to meet parents. My father swabbd his mouth 4 DNA an fingerprintd him. mega FML

TODAY, I DECIDED TO BE FRIENDLY AND SAY I TO TE WERD KID AT SCOOL, WO WAS SITTING BY IMSELF EATING LUNC. AFTER I SAID ELLO, E STARED UP AT ME INTENSELY AND SAID, ( I DON'T AVE MANY FRIENDS. YEA. MAINLY 'CAUSE I'VE EATEN MOST OF TEM. ) FML

#20895757
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38951) - you deserved it (4984)

On 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by scared shitless in ohio (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today... I Walkd In On Mah Roommatehacking Off To Clown Porn. FML

#20895842
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51659) - you deserved it (6317)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today... yet again... I got looool to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on an porn sites opened. Werd porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this... or how they have access to my office... or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
166 comments

2DAY MAH GIRLFRIEND MADE BACON SANDWICHES 4 LUNCH . I DIDN'T WANT TO BE RUDE , BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT MENTION THAT THE BACON SMELLED AND TASTED WIERD . I THOUGHT IT MAY HAVE EXPIRED . SHE SAID NOT TO WORRY BECAUSE SHE USED THE DRY BACON UNDER THE COUNTER . THOSE WERE DOG TREATS . FML

#20894470
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47766) - you deserved it (4283)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today ile in class I ad to sneeze . Not wanting to make a lot of noise I eld it in only to instead let out a uge long fart . Everyone including te teacer turned and stared at me intently . FML

#20901889
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43973) - you deserved it (7528)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

#20893446
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you deserved it (2983)

On 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm - kids - by latter - United States (Maryland)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: