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Tuesday 24 September 2013

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Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

by anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 1:36am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

by Christian / 09/28/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Love

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

by so_screwed / 09/25/2013 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Love

Today, the boy who loved me and left me literally became the poster boy for my college. His picture is on the home page of the college website and on a banner in the cafeteria where I eat every day. FML

by justonce / 09/23/2013 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

by 3 More Months / 09/30/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Work

Today, even though I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, I found out my wife does. She met hers a few weeks ago. FML

by NotTheSoulMate / 09/26/2013 at 2:54am / United States / Love

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

by burb / 09/25/2013 at 3:23pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love

Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML

by wombats / 09/28/2013 at 10:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 1:16am / Love

Today, I bought some really expensive face wipes that were supposed to cure my awful acne. I was excited to use them until I found out my mom had used them all wiping down her car. FML

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

by pancakessdsjsn / 09/27/2013 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I discovered that I have caught head lice from my son. Unfortunately, they are living in my chest hair. FML

by hairy / 09/30/2013 at 5:59pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health