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Tuesday 24 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I sent a student to the dean for trying to smoke pot in my class. His mother called to complain that I publicly humiliated her son. FML

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

#20901637
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54921) - you deserved it (2663)

On 09/30/2013 at 4:04am - kids - by meens42 - United States

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

#20903082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45483) - you deserved it (11365)

On 10/01/2013 at 6:47am - intimacy - by whatdoesitmatter (woman) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40648) - you deserved it (3259)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

#20894309
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41005) - you deserved it (2848)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60821) - you deserved it (4858)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53794) - you deserved it (7517)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

#20898243
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43497) - you deserved it (9849)

On 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by ;_;" (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
166 comments

Today, I learned that an antidepressant that works too well is a stimulant. I've been jittering and twitching like a meth-head, and my co-workers are asking when Jesse will be showing up with my "stuff". FML

#20896646
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35391) - you deserved it (2972)

On 09/26/2013 at 9:50am - health - by CancerFdMyLife (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

#20900810
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36222) - you deserved it (4687)

On 09/29/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by Nice Melons (woman) - United States

Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

#20896706
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45020) - you deserved it (5929)

On 09/26/2013 at 11:20am - misc - by horriblefashionsense (woman) - United States (Florida)



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