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Tuesday 17 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47892) - you deserved it (3212)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

#20893951
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42800) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/24/2013 at 1:16am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

#20889155
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50265) - you deserved it (3741)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Szeged)

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

#20889355
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39124) - you deserved it (2641)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by -.- - United States (California)

Today, I realized the only "person" I have talked to in the last two days is Siri. FML

#20891258
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35981) - you deserved it (7838)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:34am - misc - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

#20891277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39910) - you deserved it (3185)

On 09/22/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by SeriouslyDad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

#20891546
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45260) - you deserved it (5726)

On 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm - work - by -_- (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a co-worker described, in vivid detail in the middle of the office, how he dribbles after peeing, and often has a burning sensation. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML

#20887758
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (2859)

On 09/19/2013 at 1:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

#20889129
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (11477)

On 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by fuckwank (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

#20892314
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42002) - you deserved it (19073)

On 09/22/2013 at 10:56pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

#20885867
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19017) - you deserved it (38214)

On 09/17/2013 at 10:17pm - love - by lola1313 - United States (Illinois)



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