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Tuesday 17 September 2013

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Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML

by drunkenloser / 09/20/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Health

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my grandma threw away my clear retainer thinking it was plastic from packaging. She has done this three times now. They cost 300 dollars to replace. FML

by peacechick71 / 09/22/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

by zachadams / 09/16/2013 at 5:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

by -.- / 09/20/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

by BarryShitpeas / 09/19/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

by Stupid / 09/18/2013 at 4:46am / United States (Missouri) / Money

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

by fuckwank / 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss made me play golf with some executives of a company we're hoping to secure a business deal with, despite me having no golf training. My first swing ended up with me being rushed to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 5:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I got a text from someone I met last night at a bar. We texted all day and planned to meet up later. The whole time I had in my mind who he was, but when we met up it was someone completely different that I didn't remember. I had to sit through the whole date pretending I knew him. FML

by MixMastaKDizzle / 09/23/2013 at 4:23am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized that my grandma has pictures of all her grandchildren all over her house, with one glaring exception: me. FML

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

by gemtas5 / 09/21/2013 at 1:28pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Love