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Tuesday 17 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

#20887990
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44535) - you deserved it (3786)

On 09/19/2013 at 5:18pm - kids - by Smoothskin (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I sent a student to the dean for trying to smoke pot in my class. His mother called to complain that I publicly humiliated her son. FML

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47586) - you deserved it (13311)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41428) - you deserved it (3316)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45552) - you deserved it (4145)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

#20894309
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41925) - you deserved it (2910)

On 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61714) - you deserved it (4914)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54669) - you deserved it (7582)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
167 comments

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

#20889286
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (37070)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

#20883379
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48093) - you deserved it (2569)

On 09/16/2013 at 1:35am - health - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

#20889160
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52410) - you deserved it (4328)

On 09/20/2013 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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