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Tuesday 17 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

#20894038
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49181) - you deserved it (2999)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

#20883379
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45869) - you deserved it (2408)

On 09/16/2013 at 1:35am - health - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18066) - you deserved it (89125)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36720) - you deserved it (10992)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50544) - you deserved it (5741)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51165) - you deserved it (34371)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

#20895155
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44099) - you deserved it (4149)

On 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm - work - by littledipper - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51174) - you deserved it (4974)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

#20888905
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53294) - you deserved it (5391)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by disappointed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

#20883448
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43507) - you deserved it (3982)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:51am - kids - by clean - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, I found my brother wearing nothing but underwear. That would have been okay if it weren't my lingerie. FML

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

#20885056
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36845) - you deserved it (2492)

On 09/17/2013 at 10:21am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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