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Tuesday 27 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

#20857254
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46679) - you deserved it (3487)

On 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm - love - by the other man - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My bestfriend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

#20864835
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37001) - you deserved it (3044)

On 09/02/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

#20854612
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38681) - you deserved it (15374)

On 08/26/2013 at 12:52am - love - by scorned_jacketless_lady (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML

#20856004
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36086) - you deserved it (4033)

On 08/27/2013 at 12:36am - kids - by Parenting... (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

#20856558
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53431) - you deserved it (4808)

On 08/27/2013 at 2:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

#20858175
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42070) - you deserved it (3095)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:47pm - misc - by notsolucky - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

#20858957
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38056) - you deserved it (3251)

On 08/29/2013 at 6:44am - love - by sorejecteditmakesmewannacry (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

#20859259
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42700) - you deserved it (2402)

On 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by hope they slash you next, mom - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

#20859399
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42732) - you deserved it (3309)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:33pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

#20860218
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22242) - you deserved it (32169) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/30/2013 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonyme (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I turned around after loading the washing machine to discover my husband's 89-year-old grandmother dropping her pants. She looked at me and said, "I hope you don't mind but when you got to go, you got to go." She then sat down on the toilet and let out a loud, long fart. FML

#20857413
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35858) - you deserved it (3171)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:48am - misc - by Grandmas lost it - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41635) - you deserved it (4910)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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