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Saturday 24 August 2013

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Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML

by etgohome / 08/25/2013 at 8:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

by -_- / 08/30/2013 at 4:31pm / United States (Hawaii) / Money

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

by Beegee / 08/21/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

by ocdistheworst / 08/26/2013 at 4:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

by oD_Ronan / 08/29/2013 at 3:39am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

by Baustigt / 08/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

by the other man / 08/27/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

by no that does not help / 08/20/2013 at 9:41am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

by Tyler / 08/25/2013 at 12:30am / United States / Love

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

by theuglyone / 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

by nice guys finish last / 08/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous