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Tuesday 20 August 2013

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Today, I told my boyfriend that, due to my low self-confidence, all my bras are push-ups. He yelled, "EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE" and stormed out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2013 at 10:29am / United States / Love

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

by cpmolly / 08/24/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

by pda / 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

by Hannahb17 / 08/23/2013 at 6:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML

by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 11:16am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

by nowork / 08/27/2013 at 11:21pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

by mycar / 08/20/2013 at 1:40pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

by TheRoad42 / 08/20/2013 at 8:54am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

by Suunflower_14 / 08/26/2013 at 5:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.