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Wednesday 14 August 2013

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Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

by Beegee / 08/21/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, I got to watch how easy it is to break into my flat, after I locked myself out and went to my neighbour for help. He used a blunt pencil. FML

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

by no that does not help / 08/20/2013 at 9:41am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

by theuglyone / 08/21/2013 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

by nice guys finish last / 08/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

by nobieb / 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

by Rachel8896 / 08/15/2013 at 7:28am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

by 12345678910 / 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

by wildwonder808 / 08/12/2013 at 6:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

by FMLdude / 08/18/2013 at 7:23pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

by momma / 08/16/2013 at 11:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

by Ben / 08/19/2013 at 2:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous