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Tuesday 13 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

#20840638
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39180) - you deserved it (5870)

On 08/16/2013 at 5:33pm - misc - by that's methed up, darling (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

#20838513
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52747) - you deserved it (3417)

On 08/15/2013 at 9:34am - work - by lawman (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

#20839551
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42396) - you deserved it (9926)

On 08/15/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by stinky car - United States (Alabama)

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

#20838310
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (47179)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Aly - United States (California)

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

#20841179
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45243) - you deserved it (8664)

On 08/17/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by Suprise - United States

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48243) - you deserved it (7579)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

#20835313
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42470) - you deserved it (3314)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML

#20844068
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51813) - you deserved it (3041)

On 08/19/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by iwannagotomiamitoo - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

#20840141
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46859) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/16/2013 at 10:05am - work - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, I was at the gym when I noticed a girl I like working out on the elliptical. I went to go say hi, but chickened out and went to run on the treadmill in front of her instead. I was so nervous that I tripped and the machine threw me headfirst into her machine. FML

#20839453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (8589)

On 08/15/2013 at 10:32pm - love - by ZeroLuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

#20835961
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42514) - you deserved it (3442)

On 08/13/2013 at 8:08pm - money - by What. - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my mom asked me, once again, if my girlfriend of almost a year is just a cover up for being gay. FML

#20835654
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46238) - you deserved it (4114)

On 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm - love - by Zanovitch - United States (Michigan)



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