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Tuesday 13 August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

#20844435
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76217) - you deserved it (4238)

On 08/19/2013 at 9:06am - love - by Love stinks (man) - United States

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50839) - you deserved it (4032) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50882) - you deserved it (6213)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog died. In the same kitchen corner that two of my other dogs have died. I have a "Corner Of Death" in my kitchen. FML

#20833377
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56828) - you deserved it (3576)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:17am - animals - by The Corner Of Death (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54256) - you deserved it (3931)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

#20846728
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48415) - you deserved it (11647)

On 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51008) - you deserved it (5200)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a phone call that started with, "Now stay calm... Your house is on fire." FML

#20834558
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48801) - you deserved it (2658)

On 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl. FML

#20844156
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48573) - you deserved it (2832)

On 08/19/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54129) - you deserved it (7062)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

#20838885
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45306) - you deserved it (8039)

On 08/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by insomniac x2 (woman) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML

#20841455
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47656) - you deserved it (7680)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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