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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

#20817414
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45396) - you deserved it (4065)

On 08/02/2013 at 5:54pm - kids - by ulisha5 (woman) - Bulgaria (Burgas)

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64368) - you deserved it (9511)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

#20797729
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52566) - you deserved it (4072)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (7610)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

#20802821
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49531) - you deserved it (5753)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by ........................... (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

#20804404
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59820) - you deserved it (5137)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:09am - intimacy - by amiezingme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
117 comments

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

#20819538
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50299) - you deserved it (5026)

On 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43663) - you deserved it (24616)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

#20812711
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46151) - you deserved it (4903)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:50am - misc - by Bnewlove - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69842) - you deserved it (6005)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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