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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

#20809207
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46587) - you deserved it (3821)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:30am - work - by Fitz - United States

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

#20809292
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58361) - you deserved it (8714)

On 07/29/2013 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

#20801861
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39335) - you deserved it (7204)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

#20802373
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44107) - you deserved it (7267)

On 07/25/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

#20802821
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46012) - you deserved it (5372)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by ........................... (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40112) - you deserved it (22442)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

#20812881
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (6982)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:31am - love - by RayneWolf13 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65164) - you deserved it (5626)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

#20797729
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49551) - you deserved it (3796)

On 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain)

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

#20804404
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54962) - you deserved it (4672)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:09am - intimacy - by amiezingme - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML

#20806687
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46658) - you deserved it (2987)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by moms know best??? (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments


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