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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60457) - you deserved it (7652)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53051) - you deserved it (12100)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52835) - you deserved it (3956)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42454) - you deserved it (28489)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64564) - you deserved it (4452)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

#20810724
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60155) - you deserved it (9297)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by JustSomeGuy - United States (Texas)

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51843) - you deserved it (11084)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48080) - you deserved it (4034)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51499) - you deserved it (7595)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61975) - you deserved it (6552)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62491) - you deserved it (9246)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks gave me an ultimatum: marry her, or she kills herself. FML

#20814794
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71019) - you deserved it (6128)

On 08/01/2013 at 3:36am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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