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Sunday 28 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

#20798640
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59731) - you deserved it (12859)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:04am - intimacy - by suckstosuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (2778)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59249) - you deserved it (10621)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, after learning that my wife has been cheating on me, I decided to distract myself by playing The Sims. Not long after I began, my Sim's wife basically started cheating on him. FML

#20816365
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55226) - you deserved it (5850)

On 08/02/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39443) - you deserved it (3846)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

#20809554
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62698) - you deserved it (5436)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by PrettyScared (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

#20810724
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58843) - you deserved it (9141)

On 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by JustSomeGuy - United States (Texas)

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63294) - you deserved it (4353)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52006) - you deserved it (11242)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

#20814477
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50177) - you deserved it (3705)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:03am - kids - by ktiskool (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61107) - you deserved it (5990)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

#20803453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44688) - you deserved it (8847)

On 07/25/2013 at 8:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

#20816798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51830) - you deserved it (11080)

On 08/02/2013 at 9:58am - misc - by YouSoSmelly (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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