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Sunday 21 July 2013

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Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

by helpme / 07/15/2013 at 1:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

by microlovin / 07/28/2013 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find that my mother had cleaned my room, and she'd done a very good job, too. So good in fact, that she even managed to remove all of the furniture, replacing it with a note that said, "It's time to go, sweetie XO". FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 2:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

by Iamdisappointed / 07/24/2013 at 7:50am / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

by Happyunlucky / 07/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

by .__. / 07/16/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML

by Misshhh / 07/19/2013 at 12:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

by amanda / 07/23/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

by "people these days" / 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

by anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 9:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

by trailertrashyanditsucks / 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended an elderly patient's funeral. He died of a heart attack after his daughter, as his carer, stopped all of his meds in favour of a half-cup of garlic a day. Apparently she'd "read an article" about the healing power of garlic, which trumped my 6-year degree. FML

by Saddoc / 07/26/2013 at 3:58am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous