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Saturday 6 July 2013

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Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

by StockedWithJuice / 07/06/2013 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

by lonely girl / 07/02/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm / Transportation

Today, my husband and I threw a party with non-alcoholic wine. No one acted wasted, until in the last hour my grandmother started slurring her words and slumping. We thought she was joking, until a doctor at the party confirmed she was having a stroke. FML

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Love

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

by RickTheBoy / 07/10/2013 at 8:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my girlfriend of over four years cheated on me in revenge for me abandoning our date last night. I'm a surgeon on call at the local hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

by Forever Alone / 07/03/2013 at 12:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 12:16pm / Puerto Rico / Kids

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

by cristy91 / 07/10/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

by good big sister? / 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health