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Saturday 6 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

#20766909
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50266) - you deserved it (20174)

On 07/06/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by BlueB (man) - United States

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69274) - you deserved it (5551)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61640) - you deserved it (7163)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62454) - you deserved it (4972)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

#20764588
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67501) - you deserved it (3961)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66831) - you deserved it (11798)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

#20775513
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62707) - you deserved it (3914)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by whowhat (man) - United States

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

#20779957
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (57701)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47191) - you deserved it (4512)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55041) - you deserved it (22298)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49030) - you deserved it (9623)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

#20762781
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69242) - you deserved it (5973)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by OnPlanetVenus (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

#20779631
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66391) - you deserved it (5239)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)



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