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Saturday 6 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55216) - you deserved it (9460)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

#20773595
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76421) - you deserved it (3866)

On 07/10/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Wtf (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

#20763013
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61956) - you deserved it (11607)

On 07/04/2013 at 3:03am - intimacy - by Never Going Back To The Doctor (woman) - United States

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100388) - you deserved it (11706)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54137) - you deserved it (3474)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

#20773275
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27511) - you deserved it (46109)

On 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm - misc - by John - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

#20779714
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52831) - you deserved it (4354)

On 07/13/2013 at 10:32am - misc - by speechless - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

#20770545
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30311) - you deserved it (66853)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm - love - by Erica (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

#20770214
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45825) - you deserved it (4370)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:19am - animals - by PerfectTiming - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

#20775868
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59446) - you deserved it (6977)

On 07/11/2013 at 11:18am - work - by vet1 (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55339) - you deserved it (7778)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43007) - you deserved it (6477)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)



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