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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60029) - you deserved it (4762)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55244) - you deserved it (9776)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50575) - you deserved it (13893)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

#20764588
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64788) - you deserved it (3768)

On 07/05/2013 at 2:11am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25659) - you deserved it (32351)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38619) - you deserved it (3635)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46348) - you deserved it (8312)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46180) - you deserved it (3498)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

#20761484
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70131) - you deserved it (4521)

On 07/03/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Nicks - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

Today, I realized that getting wasted before finals is not a good idea. I sat down in the test hall, reached into my bag for a pencil, and found instead three baby carrots and a spoon. FML

#20757745
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19040) - you deserved it (59381)

On 07/01/2013 at 10:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48104) - you deserved it (10010)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59067) - you deserved it (3586)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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