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Saturday 29 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49486) - you deserved it (7263)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45338) - you deserved it (2613)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44489) - you deserved it (3176)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47569) - you deserved it (2993)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20750126
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55165) - you deserved it (3852)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Guntherdog - United States

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

#20756122
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45972) - you deserved it (3675)

On 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by foreversingle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

#20759724
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42988) - you deserved it (4351)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by dry spell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40566) - you deserved it (3806)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44767) - you deserved it (3097)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51985) - you deserved it (3489)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44182) - you deserved it (4836)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50916) - you deserved it (7190)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45862) - you deserved it (4978)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)



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