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Saturday 29 June 2013

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Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 5:07am / United States / Work

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

by cheerbabeXoXo / 06/29/2013 at 5:49pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Love

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 5:01pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, the massive bogey that had been dangling precariously from my manager's nose for half an hour finally detached itself. Into my coffee. FML

by melons / 07/03/2013 at 5:09am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2013 at 4:36pm / Jordan (Al Balqa') / Miscellaneous

Today, I actually had to teach my 9-year-old brother how to pour himself a glass of milk, after he burst out in tears when my sister told him to do it himself. His astonishing ignorance also extends to basic hygiene. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids

Today, a wasp flew into my car. In my frantic attempt to get away from it, I got pulled over and had to prove I was driving sober. FML

by chaoticcupcake / 06/25/2013 at 11:28am / United States (West Virginia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 8:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

by weneedthatmoneytoliveon / 06/26/2013 at 10:08am / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 1:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML

by MadMax / 06/26/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation