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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML

#20755318
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47569) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by unfortunate (man) - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20750126
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55164) - you deserved it (3852)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Guntherdog - United States

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

#20756122
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45970) - you deserved it (3675)

On 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by foreversingle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML

#20759724
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42987) - you deserved it (4351)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by dry spell (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40564) - you deserved it (3806)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44729) - you deserved it (3092)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

#20762512
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49297) - you deserved it (3248)

On 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm - animals - by nakedweddingday (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44167) - you deserved it (4834)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

#20752684
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50915) - you deserved it (7190)

On 06/28/2013 at 3:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

#20753013
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51320) - you deserved it (4638)

On 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm - misc - by arse-face (woman) - Ireland (Clare)

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door to borrow my laundry room key. He was bare-ass naked. When I refused to open the door, he tried to break it down. I had to call the police before he would leave. FML

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37030) - you deserved it (3152)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML

#20757181
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44351) - you deserved it (2921)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by theyre not THAT big. (woman) - United States (Alabama)



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