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Thursday 27 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46962) - you deserved it (14448)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48400) - you deserved it (3276)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

#20744819
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52347) - you deserved it (14220)

On 06/24/2013 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38865) - you deserved it (2766)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38740) - you deserved it (4216)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

#20756478
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (3112)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by thefuck (man) - Ireland (Cavan)

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

#20762850
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43658) - you deserved it (4108)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

#20745284
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53501) - you deserved it (2936)

On 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by Creepedout - United States (Florida)

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

#20753916
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46259) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:55am - misc - by Angry and Confused - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

#20754256
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42596) - you deserved it (2507)

On 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by perdix??? (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

#20756122
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40413) - you deserved it (2964)

On 06/30/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by foreversingle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

#20754518
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51780) - you deserved it (8368)

On 06/29/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by patriarchal apparently (man) - Saint Lucia



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