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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44029) - you deserved it (4212)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54058) - you deserved it (3413)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
83 comments

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43575) - you deserved it (3149)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML

#20737123
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47132) - you deserved it (3178)

On 06/20/2013 at 12:54pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

#20736581
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40711) - you deserved it (8042)

On 06/20/2013 at 1:49am - misc - by ohmygod (man) - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

#20743925
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48256) - you deserved it (2910)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:38am - money - by pumboc (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone, when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

#20744693
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48740) - you deserved it (7167)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:49pm - health - by SillyScotsman - United Kingdom (South Lanarkshire)

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

#20735203
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53504) - you deserved it (3466)

On 06/19/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by sicksicksick - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

#20742848
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (4148)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:39pm - love - by kittyfiddlernono (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, whilst waiting tables at work, I served a young couple the milkshakes they had ordered. The woman at the next table verbally abused me for "teasing" her screaming sons with "unhealthy foods". FML

#20745796
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45333) - you deserved it (2613)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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