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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45067) - you deserved it (9326)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37607) - you deserved it (4026)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36810) - you deserved it (3459)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

#20747890
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33399) - you deserved it (6891)

On 06/26/2013 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML

#20733887
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39498) - you deserved it (6220)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

#20734991
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54305) - you deserved it (3997)

On 06/19/2013 at 10:39am - misc - by Overprotected (woman) - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47220) - you deserved it (10910)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36594) - you deserved it (5198)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

#20747044
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

#20735377
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47926) - you deserved it (3531)

On 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm - work - by notkatvond (woman) - United States

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

#20739340
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37848) - you deserved it (2612)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)



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