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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

#20746398
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55265) - you deserved it (4164)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while running, a man ran up next to me and started jogging with me. He asked if he could run with me and I said yes. Later, when I told him I was going home, he followed me home. When I asked him to leave, he say down on my lawn in protest. He has been there for over 4 hours. FML

#20738304
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54922) - you deserved it (8159)

On 06/21/2013 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54451) - you deserved it (14897)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27448) - you deserved it (34388)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79916) - you deserved it (7311)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61832) - you deserved it (3785)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47690) - you deserved it (8511)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

#20745284
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65116) - you deserved it (4558)

On 06/24/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by Creepedout - United States (Florida)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53872) - you deserved it (12430)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58966) - you deserved it (4850)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

#20742017
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51464) - you deserved it (4272)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by kittybad - United States

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

#20736775
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58209) - you deserved it (5711)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:47am - intimacy - by naughtymommy0317 (woman) - United States

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27706) - you deserved it (43062)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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