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Thursday 20 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45328) - you deserved it (7862)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

#20731460
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45136) - you deserved it (2721)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

#20749556
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46960) - you deserved it (4425)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45990) - you deserved it (5721)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

#20733893
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38946) - you deserved it (18790)

On 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm - animals - by CatLover<3 - United States (Texas)

Today, I again had to quietly sneak in through my bedroom window. I don't live with my parents. I go through my window because my cat thinks everyone who walks in through the door at night is a burglar or something and attacks them. FML

#20738804
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45154) - you deserved it (9615)

On 06/21/2013 at 10:28am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

#20744476
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45221) - you deserved it (12832)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

#20735858
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51370) - you deserved it (8165)

On 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by whatno - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61831) - you deserved it (5022)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

#20739861
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24213) - you deserved it (61085) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/21/2013 at 6:18pm - love - by breeeeeh (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

#20743881
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33822) - you deserved it (8151)

On 06/24/2013 at 1:20am - work - by myfavoritesgouda (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML

#20745688
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44292) - you deserved it (11005)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by dan (man) - United States (Arizona)



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