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Wednesday 19 June 2013

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Today, my brother got one of those water-vapour cigarettes. I was playing around with it, and my neighbour saw me through the window. She came over to yell at my parents about my "addiction" to marijuana. When my parents told her to get lost, she called the cops and tried to get me arrested. FML

by aimee_alexis / 06/20/2013 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

by assholedad / 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

by notkatvond / 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States / Work

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

by part time all the time / 06/23/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

by LyraAlluse / 06/26/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

by the_lonely_life / 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

by afraid of flying too / 06/24/2013 at 7:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I went out on a date with a girl. Everything was going well until I shared how my family was affected by the 2010 earthquake in Haiti. She immediately got up and left, calling me a liar. Apparently, I'm "too cute" to be of Haitian descent. What the hell? FML

by Kn0wledge123 / 06/26/2013 at 1:27am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

by Not a day over 35 / 06/18/2013 at 9:06am / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML

by nomomsonfacebook / 06/23/2013 at 8:30pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love