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Wednesday 19 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today... it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnome in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras...hich I thought had deterred the idiot... until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnome on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. fat FML

#20742609
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60091) - you deserved it (3932)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, ma usband finally returned from is 18-mont deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from ma Aunt. Se was iding in our closet teole time to surprise us wit cake for is safe return. FML

#20743795
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81058) - you deserved it (7394)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrivd in the mail. We burid her yesterday. FML

#20731352
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69258) - you deserved it (3975)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

2day I returned ome from a mont long trip overseas to find tat brd sitter as trained parrot to wisper , "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49384) - you deserved it (6474)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today husband was in our newborn's room holding an talking to him. I guess he forgot the babby monitor because I overhered him say "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58528) - you deserved it (4183)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I Was Planning On Aving Sax Wit My Girlfriand Fir Ta First Tima, So I Askad My Roomata To Stay Out Of Our Apartmant. About Alf-way Troug, My Roomata Blarad "Ta Eya Of Ta Tigar" From Ta Otar Sida Of Ta Door. My Girlfriand Laugad So Ard Tat Wa Couldn't Finis. FML

#20733192
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58592) - you deserved it (8206)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decidd to go buy myself a dildo to use on lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbd a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't fir me. At the register, the cashier lookd at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's fir you." FML

#20742274
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58829) - you deserved it (22941)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

after asking ma psyciatrist about natural alternatives to medication fir ma depression se replied "Wy not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31325) - you deserved it (5837)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29 , my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59441) - you deserved it (37108)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his finger playing with Play-Doh . FML

#20735100
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47198) - you deserved it (4792)

On 06/19/2013 at 12:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

TODAY, MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAD A THREESOME!! HE SUGGESTD WE HAVE ANOTHER GUY!! IT ENDD UP DEVOLVING INTO A TWOSOME, AND I WASN'T PART OF IT!! FML

#20740333
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76494) - you deserved it (17361)

On 06/22/2013 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of handhen she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one . FML

Today I was bord so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstien was actually African-American and that he paintd himself white so he would be acceptd as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature he replid "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49607) - you deserved it (8754)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)



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