Choose the period

Friday 14 June 2013

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

by Overprotected / 06/19/2013 at 10:39am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried explaining to my mom how liking her own posts on Facebook wasn't very cool. I later logged in to see she'd added all my friends and posted naked baby pictures of me, captioning them, "Now I don't have to like my own posts." FML

by Sydney1600 / 06/20/2013 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

by nomwar / 06/17/2013 at 9:55am / United States / Health

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 10:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom walked into the bathroom while I was taking a pic to send to my long-distance boyfriend. She then told me I would go to hell for flaunting myself at guys. I was fully clothed, sending a pic to see if he liked my new haircut. That and I'm 21. FML

by Crazy Mom / 06/10/2013 at 1:13am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

by well then... / 06/15/2013 at 1:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

by Well, crap / 06/18/2013 at 11:02am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Love

Today, my future sister-in-law cancelled my invitation to her and my brother's wedding. Her reason was that I was incredibly rude to announce my pregnancy to my family at a time like this, because it took all the attention away from her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2013 at 5:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

by fun / 06/16/2013 at 12:54am / United States / Love