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Saturday 11 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

#20645667
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54880) - you deserved it (8967)

On 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm - intimacy - by stretchy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

#20662599
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39301) - you deserved it (12556)

On 05/14/2013 at 7:32am - misc - by ktorih137 - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I agreed to help out my 4-year crush with his senior prank which is to pretend we are dating for 1 day to freak everyone out. Glad to know dating me is prank worthy. FML

#20658208
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62097) - you deserved it (9013)

On 05/12/2013 at 10:08am - love - by turdtonomor9 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52674) - you deserved it (4461)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47721) - you deserved it (3822)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sisters and I pitched together nearly $500 to send my mom to the spa for Mother's Day. We put the printed sheet with her info into a little box with our card on top. When she opened it, she freaked out and started hugging my dad. Turns out he switched the cards and took all the credit. FML

#20658076
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59180) - you deserved it (3804)

On 05/12/2013 at 8:09am - misc - by lachaisse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28552) - you deserved it (38176)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

#20664547
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46007) - you deserved it (9797)

On 05/15/2013 at 3:20am - misc - by notarobber (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44069) - you deserved it (12519)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

#20668592
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48567) - you deserved it (3119)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:25am - misc - by Jololol - United States

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

#20657778
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49554) - you deserved it (4121)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:20am - health - by those_allergies - United States (Oregon)

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

#20666447
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69533) - you deserved it (3874)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML



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