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Saturday 4 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

#20636451
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41410) - you deserved it (5814)

On 05/02/2013 at 4:27am - misc - by inyobeddd (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45789) - you deserved it (7588)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

#20647729
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45986) - you deserved it (5252)

On 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by hopelesscollegechick - United States (Alabama)

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49106) - you deserved it (3627)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

#20630309
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54453) - you deserved it (5012)

On 04/29/2013 at 1:07pm - love - by Good Luck Chuck (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15477) - you deserved it (52676)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML

#20636739
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39570) - you deserved it (3772)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

#20639297
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47833) - you deserved it (4626)

On 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

#20643291
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47699) - you deserved it (4701)

On 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was making tea when I smelled something burning. My very fluffy cat had put his tail right next to the open flame and burnt his fur. Now I have a semi-hairless cat and a very smelly apartment. FML

#20647478
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36843) - you deserved it (6022)

On 05/07/2013 at 10:18am - animals - by AussieG75 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was rushed to the ER due to a very swollen foot and high fever. The doctors said I just have a tissue infection but my parents believe I have a flesh eating disease. I can hear them discussing my future with an amputated leg. FML

#20652691
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39384) - you deserved it (2073)

On 05/09/2013 at 7:18pm - health - by iLikeMyLegs - Canada (Ontario)



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