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Saturday 4 May 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

#20637622
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56705) - you deserved it (3755)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:16pm - love - by psycho ex (man) - Brazil

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

#20654832
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55243) - you deserved it (5325)

On 05/10/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Switzerland (Sankt Gallen)

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

#20634792
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61055) - you deserved it (4438)

On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

#20651616
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58809) - you deserved it (4056)

On 05/09/2013 at 6:11am - misc - by Uwrongfodat (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML

#20647820
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47900) - you deserved it (4312)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm - misc - by babs (woman) - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

#20653026
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55760) - you deserved it (7021)

On 05/09/2013 at 9:41pm - kids - by brokedad - United States

Today, I found out I have something in common with three other girls. We all have the same boyfriend. FML

#20655447
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61399) - you deserved it (5530)

On 05/11/2013 at 12:01am - love - by Bridget - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63186) - you deserved it (5943)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18243) - you deserved it (61378)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37041) - you deserved it (16973)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

#20656774
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51776) - you deserved it (6014)

On 05/11/2013 at 5:19pm - kids - by failure as a parent (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

#20641408
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51207) - you deserved it (8757)

On 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)



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