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Saturday 27 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

#20624343
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65317) - you deserved it (14655)

On 04/27/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77833) - you deserved it (9364)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML

#20617598
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52650) - you deserved it (21505)

On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59767) - you deserved it (15701)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in public. She happily said yes, and the surrounding crowd cheered for us. About 10 minutes later, after the excitement died down, she leaned over and quietly said, "Actually, I don't want to marry you. I only said yes so I wouldn't disappoint the crowd." FML

#20622674
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73409) - you deserved it (10133)

On 04/26/2013 at 5:17am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55747) - you deserved it (4317)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

#20632794
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59634) - you deserved it (7772)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67969) - you deserved it (8261)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

#20636996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63966) - you deserved it (7428)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

#20623610
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49220) - you deserved it (9664)

On 04/26/2013 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

#20639737
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59381) - you deserved it (3410)

On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68804) - you deserved it (4475)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24735) - you deserved it (44207)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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