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Thursday 11 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52125) - you deserved it (9522)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

#20586134
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38377) - you deserved it (4734)

On 04/12/2013 at 6:23am - work - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

#20593993
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39528) - you deserved it (10813)

On 04/15/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Kutakito (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63795) - you deserved it (10936)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (10505)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41042) - you deserved it (4979)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

#20580991
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34623) - you deserved it (5517)

On 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Zxz - Canada

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13594) - you deserved it (91643)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

#20591599
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39570) - you deserved it (12438) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/14/2013 at 7:18pm - misc - by NiquetChrome (woman) - France

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43080) - you deserved it (2639)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61673) - you deserved it (2899)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

#20581880
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60968) - you deserved it (7850)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - intimacy - by saywhat (woman) - United States (Washington)



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