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Thursday 11 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42758) - you deserved it (20267)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61352) - you deserved it (11101)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

#20583902
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50510) - you deserved it (5720)

On 04/10/2013 at 6:17pm - love - by drama king? (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53492) - you deserved it (10270)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67279) - you deserved it (3254)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52640) - you deserved it (5163)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

#20584796
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40881) - you deserved it (18719)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:52am - love - by Wow (woman) - United States

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

#20602988
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45245) - you deserved it (13421)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Aberrombie Blue - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my social teacher thought it would be a great idea to have a casual debate about Margaret Thatcher and her legacy. Within 10 minutes, the entire class was yelling, screaming, throwing stuff at each other. I got hit in the face with a binder. FML

#20584117
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39071) - you deserved it (3640)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:40pm - misc - by great idea - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56847) - you deserved it (4826)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

#20584129
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46696) - you deserved it (12004)

On 04/10/2013 at 8:45pm - kids - by Me - United States (California)

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

#20602422
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45886) - you deserved it (5477)

On 04/18/2013 at 3:30pm - misc - by phonesmuggler (man) - United States



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