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Sunday 2 December 2012

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Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

by Awks / 11/30/2012 at 1:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 9:53am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

by fieldmarshalclitter / 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm / United States / Health

Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

by fineididntwantkidsanyway / 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

by whaleninjapoop / 12/06/2012 at 3:24am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

by XxtentaculonxX / 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm / United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute) / Love

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

by ToxxicAngel / 11/27/2012 at 10:35am / United Kingdom (Monmouthshire) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

by poopsthegame / 12/03/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Transportation

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2012 at 1:55pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 6:27am / Israel / Kids

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous