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Thursday 5 March 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27445) - you deserved it (5232)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

#21367918
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14897) - you deserved it (20375)

On 03/04/2015 at 10:03am - health - by actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

#21367104
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25822) - you deserved it (2360)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:41am - misc - by Banana_Lord - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

#21366431
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27055) - you deserved it (3789)

On 03/02/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by meeeee! - United States (Delaware)

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (9760)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

#21367159
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26956) - you deserved it (1671)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:01am - misc - by definatelynotamurderer (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

#21367147
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24708) - you deserved it (2116)

On 03/03/2015 at 8:14am - kids - by Mommycakes (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got pulled over during my driving test. FML

#21367600
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23602) - you deserved it (5105)

On 03/03/2015 at 9:35pm - misc - by notdrivinganytimesoon (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML

#21366308
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26706) - you deserved it (2365)

On 03/02/2015 at 12:14am - intimacy - by dickofbrokendreams - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

#21367306
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (1594)

On 03/03/2015 at 2:06pm - work - by miewann - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

#21367402
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23079) - you deserved it (2171)

On 03/03/2015 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

#21366872
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24012) - you deserved it (3712)

On 03/02/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by Anomaly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML



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