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Thursday 17 April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36527) - you deserved it (3137)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36287) - you deserved it (4165)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30402) - you deserved it (3743)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22900) - you deserved it (3807)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML

#21113687
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31933) - you deserved it (4287)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24286) - you deserved it (6777)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

#21113382
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28344) - you deserved it (8157)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:35am - work - by idontknowwhatiamdoing (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after a dental appointment, my lips were numb. On the bus on my way back home, the cutest girl smiled at me. In attempt to smile back, I forgot my lips were numb and ended up spitting my chewing gum at her. I had to switch buses. FML

#21112602
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34775) - you deserved it (4218)

On 04/14/2014 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I had to convince my 3-year-old son that there were monsters in the house just so he would lie in bed and cuddle me. FML

#21112742
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26946) - you deserved it (19029)

On 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by tinytiny1124 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

#21113050
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28824) - you deserved it (2422)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:34pm - misc - by all by myself (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33855) - you deserved it (2509)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

#21112565
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32731) - you deserved it (3904)

On 04/14/2014 at 2:29am - intimacy - by teddyissmall (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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