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September 2016

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Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

by mkonda / 09/10/2016 at 1:11pm / India / Love

Today, I was taking a quiz online called "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?" I quit after two questions because I remembered I don't actually have any friends. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML

by bigbaby / 09/16/2016 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

by Blamethepostman / 09/16/2016 at 11:10am / Money

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

by nicrus / 09/15/2016 at 4:13pm / Norway / Miscellaneous

Today, "What kind of penises do you guys have?" wasn't even the weirdest thing I've heard my elderly female co-worker say this morning. FML

by mercumorr / 09/17/2016 at 8:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML

by Aeare_ / 09/17/2016 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

by Pisspants / 09/17/2016 at 12:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

by CouldBeALoser / 09/17/2016 at 2:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML

by tracy4191 / 09/18/2016 at 1:21am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met the old couple I would be house-sitting for. As I was leaving the lady stuck her fist out towards me. After a seconds awkward pause I thought she wanted to fist-bump so stuck mine out and bumped. Turned out she was handing me the key. FML

by Krystl / 09/18/2016 at 12:35pm / Australia / Work

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

by tequilashot / 09/20/2016 at 12:40am / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love