Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
May 2016

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

by Oreo / 05/10/2016 at 4:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

by Workplace woes / 05/12/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2016 at 12:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 11:18pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

by not amused / 05/19/2016 at 5:01am / Ireland (Cork) / Geek

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2016 at 10:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, even though my boyfriend knew that I was a devout catholic before he asked me on a date, he's pissed that I keep refusing to have sex. Apparently, he thought I was just playing hard to get and that I would eventually drop my panties like all the other slutty "religious" girls he claims to have fucked. FML

by Bethany / 05/20/2016 at 3:31pm / Germany / Intimacy

Today, I found out that someone I once babysat got a girlfriend before I did. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

by bruised / 05/19/2016 at 4:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I went into the basement to do laundry. There is a little rope on the outside of the door to lock it. I was down there for 20 minutes, and came back up the stairs to find it locked. Turns out, my 3 year-old sister did it, then our parents took her to the park. I was stuck down there for 4 hours. FML

by Bugga2018 / 05/22/2016 at 7:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my fiancé received his divorce papers. Thanks to his procrastinating, his divorce is effective May 29th. We're supposed to get married on May 28th. FML

by unmarried / 05/03/2016 at 8:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I have an infected piercing because I'm allergic to the metal. My ear is so swollen that I can't remove the jewelry. It won't get better until I'm able to remove the jewelry. FML

by pierced / 05/01/2016 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, we were doing research on contraceptives in class. Afterwards, the girl next to me starts explaining how "cringey" and "grossed out" she gets when she sees/hears "the words for the private parts." She then tells me all about her getting her period that morning in explicit detail. FML

by howdoesthatmakesense / 05/02/2016 at 4:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous