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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

#21104331
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39553) - you deserved it (3598)

On 04/04/2014 at 10:17am - kids - by AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

#21113382
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32988) - you deserved it (9614)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:35am - work - by idontknowwhatiamdoing (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

#21110479
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41726) - you deserved it (2452)

On 04/11/2014 at 5:58pm - kids - by babylove - South Africa

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

#21117346
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23500) - you deserved it (2583)

On 04/19/2014 at 5:26pm - misc - by burnmyeyes (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38177) - you deserved it (3429)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

#21113585
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40695) - you deserved it (3040)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:01am - love - by cricha4208 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

#21116391
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25670) - you deserved it (8167)

On 04/18/2014 at 2:24pm - animals - by hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35648) - you deserved it (9484)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

#21102227
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36877) - you deserved it (3727)

On 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm - love - by that kind of girl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

#21104650
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35544) - you deserved it (10142)

On 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm - love - by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

#21104753
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35204) - you deserved it (4899)

On 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by Violet (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

#21107042
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35040) - you deserved it (3679)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a customer threw his hot coffee all over me, because it was taking "too long" for their credit card to be approved. FML



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