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October 2016

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Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right inside my mouth. My tongue got stung. FML

by Modeon123 / 10/20/2016 at 6:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated. We were having a lot of fun until I decided I wanted to be on top. He instantly got soft. FML

by MulticoloredSlug / 10/13/2016 at 6:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, it seems like everyone in my family knew about my boyfriend's new engagement, all except me. FML

by jaymaag25 / 10/20/2016 at 2:28am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

by unluckysamaritan / 10/15/2016 at 4:51am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told the doctor that one of my ribs sticks out farther than the other. When I lifted my shirt to show him, he immediately laughed and said, "Whoa, that's not subtle is it!" As if I wasn't already insecure about it. FML

by justmyluck5150 / 10/17/2016 at 1:58pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he got me fired. Looks like my calendar is clear. FML

by HRomero / 10/17/2016 at 9:17am / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got up early for a doctor's appointment and chugged two cups of coffee. Ten minutes before I was supposed to leave, my doctor calls asking to reschedule, which would have been fine had I not cleared my whole day for this appointment. Now I'm too wired to go back to bed. FML

by KitKat20 / 10/18/2016 at 9:05am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancee is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

by RjsBabe / 10/01/2016 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommates fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

by anonymous / 10/02/2016 at 2:38am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

by Chard of Glass / 10/04/2016 at 8:45am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health

Today, I noticed I've been an Amazon Prime member for 2 years and never knew. FML

by storyteller / 10/04/2016 at 12:29pm / United States (Indiana) / Money

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

by Iris / 10/12/2016 at 9:53am / Canada (Quebec) / Money