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May 2015

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Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27519) - you deserved it (1723)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28686) - you deserved it (2636)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27906) - you deserved it (2075)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

#21410986
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35247) - you deserved it (2054)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28873) - you deserved it (3831)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23769) - you deserved it (1727)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31630) - you deserved it (5293)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (2160)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24560) - you deserved it (2036)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28521) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (2255)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26043) - you deserved it (3892)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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