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December 2016

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Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family held an intervention and told me I needed to lose weight. It probably would've had more impact if they hadn't done this over video chat while stuffing their faces at an all-you-can-eat buffet. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2016 at 5:14pm / Health

Today, I got an expensive drone for my birthday. My brother got a BB gun and thought it would be hilarious to shoot my drone with it while I was flying it. FML

by KingKralj / 12/04/2016 at 4:49pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2016 at 4:54am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2016 at 9:53am / Intimacy

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

by Lenny_R / 12/08/2016 at 2:53pm / Transportation

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

by Alexandra / 12/08/2016 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Health

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

by no / 12/08/2016 at 9:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, everyone from my job showed up for work because our boss demanded that we have a team meeting before half of the company leaves for the holidays. Everyone showed up except my boss who is apparently already in Hawaii vacationing until New Years. FML

by dazedandconfused / 12/08/2016 at 4:22pm / United States (California) / Work

Today whilst riding my brand new dirt bike for the first time, the chain broke and slashed me down the back of the left leg with such force that it chipped the bone. FML

by E_G_G_S_O_U_P / 12/08/2016 at 8:12am / Transportation

Today, I found out why my biology class TA, who takes the class alongside the other students, was always so eager to collect my work. Turns out, she's been erasing my name on my papers and writing hers in all semester. My failing final grade has already been finalized. FML

by natural selection i guess / 12/09/2016 at 4:02am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

by ryuuchild / 12/08/2016 at 7:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

by justhatelife / 12/09/2016 at 9:49am / United States (New York) / Work