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July 2016

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Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

by Not true / 07/17/2016 at 10:56pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a random girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

by aurora320 / 07/19/2016 at 3:50pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Love

Today, I sent my boyfriend a selfie where I used the Snapchat face-swap to put my best friend's face on mine. My boyfriend didn't notice and texted back, 'Wow, so beautiful!' FML

by Catnip / 06/30/2016 at 7:42pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 9:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

by boobswerehere / 07/07/2016 at 3:15am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

by polemania / 07/11/2016 at 1:23am / United States / Work

Today, it's the second day of being in Estonia with my boyfriend and his mom, visiting their family. I don't know much Estonian, but I can say short words and phrases. My boyfriend later informed me I've been mispronouncing "Thank you," and actually saying "Help me." I was wondering why people have been laughing. FML

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

by unemployed / 07/11/2016 at 3:09pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML

by me / 07/10/2016 at 11:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I got lost in Darkfall Passage in Skyrim and got so frustrated I turned off the game and cried. Thank you pregnancy hormones. FML

by SkyrimGamerMoM / 07/14/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML

by Chocolaty / 07/21/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I bleached my upper lip hair so it wouldn't be visible anymore. At school, for the first time, the guy I like came over to talk to me after class. Just as I thought he was about to ask me out, he told me how weird my "gold moustache" looks. FML

Today, after 6 months away, I came home to find out my mom has essentially untrained my dog by spoiling him rotten. She has, however, taught him to fart on command. FML

by LadyGoombah / 07/06/2016 at 9:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.