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July 2016

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Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

by emancipate my ass / 07/24/2016 at 12:02am / Miscellaneous

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

by not even / 07/21/2016 at 7:20am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

by RektForLyfe / 07/24/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

by BrokeAndHungry / 07/24/2016 at 1:05pm / United States (Michigan) / Money

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 2:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 11:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

by fmlsheffgirl / 07/25/2016 at 7:52am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

by jaqlove / 07/02/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

by anonymous / 07/07/2016 at 11:24am / United States / Work

Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML

by Mr_Jah / 07/04/2016 at 4:33pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

by dumbmotherinlaw / 07/06/2016 at 1:29pm / United States (California) / Holidays

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

by ScarletBuckeye / 07/09/2016 at 12:38pm / Health