Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
October 2016

Choose a category


Today, my boyfriend said, "One day I'll tell my children how I met you. I mean, our children." It's pretty cute, except for the fact that we're 17 and have been dating for only two weeks. FML

by StillAVirgin / 10/17/2016 at 11:23am / Denmark / Love

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

by eyebags / 10/10/2016 at 9:04am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

by LemonLearn / 10/06/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my job as a lifeguard, a little girl got stuck in the shower cubicle because the lock wouldn't open. To get her out, I had to lift the door off the hinges and swing it open, a fairly safe procedure. The hinges broke, though, and I ended up hitting the girl with the door. FML

by caitywebbkid / 10/09/2016 at 7:36am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

by wtf / 10/19/2016 at 8:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

by hikingtospace / 10/04/2016 at 11:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

by Rejected / 10/03/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

by padre74 / 10/03/2016 at 1:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I got my new smartwatch that I ordered for myself on the promise that I would use it for tracking my new exercise routine. Instead, I used it for playing Pong whilst eating cake and drinking wine. FML

by TomorrowMaybe / 10/08/2016 at 12:29pm / Denmark (Sjelland) / Health

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

by AgentKoos_99 / 10/11/2016 at 3:52am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

by TooPoorForPrivateUni / 10/09/2016 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (Merton) / Money

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

by Cow lover / 10/12/2016 at 10:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

by JoeyTheJedi / 10/17/2016 at 8:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work