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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (27607)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my three closest online friends are the same person: my obsessive ex. I met all three before he and I even started dating. FML

#21105963
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37640) - you deserved it (4808)

On 04/06/2014 at 2:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39963) - you deserved it (3498)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25211) - you deserved it (3704)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15511) - you deserved it (38952)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (5082)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38063) - you deserved it (8650)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17975) - you deserved it (41964)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18148) - you deserved it (40670)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30344) - you deserved it (16624)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56788) - you deserved it (4923)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

#21107872
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39115) - you deserved it (8298)

On 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by that girl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35572) - you deserved it (3370)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States



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