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June 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49576) - you deserved it (8975)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54849) - you deserved it (4814)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46117) - you deserved it (6609)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64070) - you deserved it (9322)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59400) - you deserved it (7110)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63615) - you deserved it (9057)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53718) - you deserved it (11766)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55250) - you deserved it (5037)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

#21192543
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63198) - you deserved it (4929)

On 06/29/2014 at 1:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55750) - you deserved it (7210)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

#21180516
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50706) - you deserved it (14277)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

#21166563
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45644) - you deserved it (6409)

On 06/07/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML

#21173084
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48988) - you deserved it (5841)

On 06/13/2014 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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