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April 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56046) - you deserved it (5530)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

#21124338
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46948) - you deserved it (6495)

On 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm - love - by Shit (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that when I asked my girlfriend 4 months ago if was she on the pill, she thought I meant hay fever tablets. I'm going to be a father. FML

#21123315
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61390) - you deserved it (29278)

On 04/26/2014 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Sniffles (man) - Ireland

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41460) - you deserved it (12479)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35575) - you deserved it (19438)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

#21121912
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45999) - you deserved it (3828)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

#21102110
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47402) - you deserved it (5747)

On 04/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by derped-out sperm (man) - Ireland

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

#21115090
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53321) - you deserved it (4479)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

#21126504
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58607) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm - love - by loserman - United States (Texas)

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
106 comments


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